Psychology

Stringing It All Together

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(This column is posted at www.StevenSavage.com and Steve’s Tumblr.  Find out more at my newsletter.)

As I’ve often said, fun is important to us. It refreshes us, it helps us find ourselves, it connects us to others. But sometimes it’s hard to have fun, to find joy in the large. Where are the hours or days of joy that we want or need?

Well, first, human moods are always changing. I think rare is the time someone experiences joy near constantly, except for some transcendent experiences. But, still, there are times we need an extended period of being mostly-happy – and I’m sure a lot of us would like something like that right now.

I think the important thing is to string moments of joy together.

We an go looking for the Big Happy, the Giant Bliss and maybe we can’t have that. Or we shouldn’t. Or, as I will address later, that’s not a solid thing.

Instead, I’m finding as I age that happiness is when we can string together small moments together. An hour with a book, an evening with a friend, a thirty minute run in a video game. If we can’t have the Big Happy, we can have many small happies – manageable moments of fun and joy.

First, this is practical. In our busy days and trying times, we might not be able to get a week off or a free day. We can work in fun when possible.

Secondly, this makes fun resilient. When we can have many joyful moments, the loss of one or the other may not trouble us as much – we change a schedule or power through a challenge. When we have fun moments strung along our lives like beads in a necklace, we can overcome one missing bead.

In fact, I’d say that the small moments are the way we build a Big Happy. As we can find joy in small moments, they come together in larger ones. Perhaps that’s the best kind of fun – pieces adding up to a whole.

Third and finally, I find that these little moments of joy and fun make life more manageable. It’s one thing to look forward to an ill-defined week long vacation. To know you’re going to have a chocolate bar or play a game makes fun solid, manageable, and real. Tie enough of those moments together and you have something larger.

We can stack fun and joy together to build something bigger. It may be easier.

And these days, maybe the best thing we can do.

Steven Savage

The Importance Of Not Doing

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(This column is posted at www.StevenSavage.com and Steve’s Tumblr.  Find out more at my newsletter.)

Do you have a schedule and plans? Daily plans? Weekly plans? Do you do them – them decide “well, I’ve got a bit more time” and go farther? Do you then realize . . . maybe you’re overdoing it?

Then do you try to not overdo it and still fail, going beyond your plans to do even more and burning out?

I had a realization about this recently as I was trying to keep up my daily schedule. I use schedules to keep myself focused during the Pandemic, and they’ve helped me “anchor” myself in these strange times. But I noticed on a day I was getting everything done, I asked what more could I do.

Then I caught myself. Why did I want to do more? Why couldn’t I stop?

Then I realized something. Schedules are not just ways to ensure things get done – they’re ways of setting limits so you don’t burn out. Part of the reason you have a schedule is to tell you what not to do or when to stop.

And of course, this ties into two parts of the Agile Manifesto. If you didn’t think I was going to tie this to Agile, you must be new here. Welcome aboard.

Anyway, in the Agile Manifesto, the tenth Agile Principle states “Simplicity–the art of maximizing the amount of work not done–is essential.” I always liked this as it was a good reminder to avoid unneeded tasks and technology. But recently I realized this applies to your schedules and plans – there’s a time to stop and not do things.

This also ties into the eighth Agile Principle: “Agile processes promote sustainable development. The sponsors, developers, and users should be able to maintain a constant pace indefinitely.“

Good, sustainable work is at a pace you can keep up. This means not just being sustainable, but asking if you need to do something, removing things from your plans or not putting them in. Make a schedule that works for you, and remember that there is a time to not do something. Sure you may do it later, but you don’t have to do it now.

In fact, celebrate the fact you set limits! That should be one of your goals. Being able to not do something effectively is a success – you have time to rest, recuperate, and come up with the next neat thing to do . . .

Steven Savage

Fun And Yourself

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(This column is posted at www.StevenSavage.com and Steve’s Tumblr.  Find out more at my newsletter.)

We’re in a crisis as I write this. We’ve got a worldwide Pandemic, and not every country is managing it very well (or at all). It’s possible you’re escaping with fun, but you may also feel guilty, or unable to enjoy yourself, worrying you’re wasting time.

You’re not.

Yes, fun is relaxing, yes, fun distracts. But fun also is a great way to get back to who you are and find out who you are.

When we have fun, we express parts of ourselves in safe ways. Perhaps we love the camaraderie of sports, and thus enjoy them because of shared identity. Maybe we love managing things and ticking boxes, playing strategy games and using that organized sides of ourselves. We may crave adventure, our hands holding a controller as we fire our guns in an action-adventure game. Fun lets us get back to who we are.

Knowing who we are is vital for navigating crises. It centers us, but in a safe way, and gives us the hope to become more of who we are. It’s an expression, and a reminder.

But also, fun lets you find new parts of ourselves. When we see we’ve played the same kind of video game three times in a row, that says something about us. When we avoid this kind of movie but indulge in others, that says something about us. When we have fun, things we don’t know of emerge.

Knowing who we can be is vital for navigating crises. It helps us grow and learn and understand, and experience the joy of being.

Finally, fun lets us find things we hide. We may find a dark side that comes out in our musical tastes. We may discover we work through issues with certain kinds of movies. Even finding we dodge stress with our recreations tells us what we’re dodging.

Knowing who we are lets us overcome our problems, turn vices into virtues, and accept ourselves. Fun does that.

So sure, you’re relaxing and exscaping with fun. That’s great. But you’re also becoming, exploring, and discovering. That’s great to.

Have fun. Become yourself.

Steven Savage