Making Friends As An Adult

(This column is posted at and Steve’s Tumblr.  Find out more at my newsletter.)

I saw this fascinating Tweet thread when @itsashleyoh asked how people make friends as adult. This is something that’s often troubled me after college, and is an issue in ever-busy Silicon Valley.

Its hard to make friends past a certain point. You get busy with work. Some of your friends have kids and some don’t. Some of you are married and some aren’t. So I read the Tweetstream and added a few suggestions of my own. Think of it as my own way of combating some issues of loneliness all face.

Most of these are face-to-face, but a lot of this applies to online.

Here we go. Please add your own.


  • Have a hobby and follow it. This is good for you personally, and of course makes you more interesting.
  • Use that hobby to meet people with similar interests and go to meetups, drinks, dinner, etc.
  • Help people get into the hobby.
  • Hobbies also keep you from being boring and work obsessed.


  • There are all sorts of clubs out there you can find via meetup, game stores, hobby stores, etc. Find some and go try them out.
  • When you can, help out at your club.
  • Take a position at a club.


  • Get involved in good causes, and help out. This is also good for you mentally and emotionally.
  • If you get involved in a good cause, you may want to be “on staff” – that means reguarly meeting people.


  • Go to conventions and socialize.
  • Speak or run events at conventions.
  • Get on staff at conventions.

Go to places and hang out

  • Start hanging out at coffee shops, the library, gymns, etc. other places people gather. Sure you can write and read, but also its a chance to meet people.
  • Many places have regular events, bands, etc. Look for those.
  • Places you hang out may also have event boards, where people post different things going on.


  • If you go to events, go early so you can meet people in line, getting drinks, etc.
  • If you go to events reguarly, help out.
  • Go to events people you know throw and make new connections.

Specific events and organizations

  • Many pubs and places have trivia events and other great social opportunities.
  • Game nights are popular at various establishments, including game stores, bars, and meetups.
  • Libraries have lots of events, including book sales that you can go to or help out with.
  • Museums have events and need volunteers.
  • Writing groups and various creative groups often do a lot of events.

Throw events

  • Throw open houses, writing meetups, etc. If necessary, used
  • Do events for your club, church, work to nextwork with people you know.
  • Start your own Meetup.
  • Try doing “creative jams” at your place or nearby, where fellow writers/artists/musicians socialize.


  • Your job may have events that connect you with others, not just those at work.
  • Find people you like at work and hang with them if you’re comfortable.
  • Places of work often have charity connections that you can get involved in.


  • Pets are a common shared interest. There’s parks for animals, clubs, and more.
  • There’s often social events for pet lovers.
  • There’s charities focused around pets to get involved in

Be prepared

  • Have business cards or “social cards” to connect with people.
  • Choose the social media you use to connect with people so you can network.
  • is invaluable.


  • Be ready to reach out to people.
  • Rejection is OK. It happens to all of us.
  • If you’re seeing a therapist for whatever reason, they may have advice.

Be a good friend

  • Take an interest in others. It’s not all about you.
  • Help people out (don’t be used, just lend a helping hand)
  • Invite your friends to things. even if they don’t always show up, it helps.
  • Remember some people are in the same boat as you.

I hope this helps out.

Steven Savage

Fear Of Fragmentation

(This column is posted at and Steve’s Tumblr.  Find out more at my newsletter.)

Right now it’s a challenging time for many of us. Politics is a nightmare. Wages are stagnant and the inevitable recession looms while US economic policy is made by tantrum. The planet is heating up. Medical care costs skyrocket.

It’s also a challenging time for people I know, and doubtlessly you’re in the same boat. I get it.

I’ve got several friends and family dealing with medical issues.

Other are coping with layoffs and challenges of finding work.

Still others live in places that are being hit or will be hit by climate changes.

And of course, several people fit one or more category. You’re also probably nodding your head, if not trying to cope with sudden anxiety from reading this. We know something is really messed up.

This is something we rarely talk about. It’s not just that our travails of today hurt us or hurt people, they hurt the connections we’ve built. They hurt friends and family and groups and clubs because these stresses on people stress the social bonds we have. It’s hard to keep it all together when everything else is coming apart.

Again, you’ve probably been there. Sorry. And, yes, with climate change it’s going to be worse as we wonder if our friends in Florida will be flooded or our family in Arizona will have their AC crash from overload.

I think it’s up to us to work hard to hold our friends and family and groups together as we face a much more challenging world. We’ll need to stay in touch, back each other up, and help each other out. Then again, that’s what our social structures are for, and man are we going to need them because they are the only thing that’s going to let us get through these times.

So let’s get ready. The world is changing – and not for the better in many ways. We’ve got to survive the change so we can change it back – and not be alone.

So connect with chat. Send text messages. Do a newsletter. Cool someone a meal. Lend them some cash. Do your part to keep it all together.

Steven Savage

Do You Need An Annoying Friend?

Are you being properly annoyed?

Oh, you may be annoyed right now.  You may be annoyed at plenty of things.  If you're not annoyed, I can point out many reasons to be (hint: start watching the news).

I'm talking proper annoyment.  I'm talking to annoyment that you may need to get you moving.  I'm talking that subtle, effective discomfort that gets you off your backside and working on your life and career and all that matters.

If you don't have that proper annoyance, maybe it's time to make sure you have a Designated Annoying Friend.

Read more