(This column is posted at www.StevenSavage.com and Steve’s Tumblr. Find out more at my newsletter.)
I saw this fascinating Tweet thread when @itsashleyoh asked how people make friends as adult. This is something that’s often troubled me after college, and is an issue in ever-busy Silicon Valley.
Its hard to make friends past a certain point. You get busy with work. Some of your friends have kids and some don’t. Some of you are married and some aren’t. So I read the Tweetstream and added a few suggestions of my own. Think of it as my own way of combating some issues of loneliness all face.
Most of these are face-to-face, but a lot of this applies to online.
Here we go. Please add your own.
Hobbies
- Have a hobby and follow it. This is good for you personally, and of course makes you more interesting.
- Use that hobby to meet people with similar interests and go to meetups, drinks, dinner, etc.
- Help people get into the hobby.
- Hobbies also keep you from being boring and work obsessed.
Clubs
- There are all sorts of clubs out there you can find via meetup, game stores, hobby stores, etc. Find some and go try them out.
- When you can, help out at your club.
- Take a position at a club.
Causes
- Get involved in good causes, and help out. This is also good for you mentally and emotionally.
- If you get involved in a good cause, you may want to be “on staff” – that means reguarly meeting people.
Conventions
- Go to conventions and socialize.
- Speak or run events at conventions.
- Get on staff at conventions.
Go to places and hang out
- Start hanging out at coffee shops, the library, gymns, etc. other places people gather. Sure you can write and read, but also its a chance to meet people.
- Many places have regular events, bands, etc. Look for those.
- Places you hang out may also have event boards, where people post different things going on.
Events
- If you go to events, go early so you can meet people in line, getting drinks, etc.
- If you go to events reguarly, help out.
- Go to events people you know throw and make new connections.
Specific events and organizations
- Many pubs and places have trivia events and other great social opportunities.
- Game nights are popular at various establishments, including game stores, bars, and meetups.
- Libraries have lots of events, including book sales that you can go to or help out with.
- Museums have events and need volunteers.
- Writing groups and various creative groups often do a lot of events.
Throw events
- Throw open houses, writing meetups, etc. If necessary, used Meetup.com.
- Do events for your club, church, work to nextwork with people you know.
- Start your own Meetup.
- Try doing “creative jams” at your place or nearby, where fellow writers/artists/musicians socialize.
Work
- Your job may have events that connect you with others, not just those at work.
- Find people you like at work and hang with them if you’re comfortable.
- Places of work often have charity connections that you can get involved in.
Pets
- Pets are a common shared interest. There’s parks for animals, clubs, and more.
- There’s often social events for pet lovers.
- There’s charities focused around pets to get involved in
Be prepared
- Have business cards or “social cards” to connect with people.
- Choose the social media you use to connect with people so you can network.
- Meetup.com is invaluable.
Psychology
- Be ready to reach out to people.
- Rejection is OK. It happens to all of us.
- If you’re seeing a therapist for whatever reason, they may have advice.
Be a good friend
- Take an interest in others. It’s not all about you.
- Help people out (don’t be used, just lend a helping hand)
- Invite your friends to things. even if they don’t always show up, it helps.
- Remember some people are in the same boat as you.
I hope this helps out.
Steven Savage
